“… For what I think , I’d be arrested.”

Dorothy parker

I’m not sure if that “break glass in case of overwhelming despair” post survived this move or not.

Up until this “coronavirus” horseshit I enjoyed leaving my muse of the moment up to your imagination. Creativity, divine inspiration, a funny dream, an NDE, or crack and peanut butter sandwiches.. it was half the fun in this.

And now, nothing’s fun or creative anymore!

If I cut the shit for five seconds or so, I’m pretty sure we’re up against one of these events and/or possibilities I can’t even wrap my head around.

  1. Earth is bigger than we’ve been told that it is, and the environment that is imperiled by carbon , global warming , and so on, lies on the other side of the ice sheet and would nearly kill everyone and everything over there. I mean, think about it, have you received any indication whatsoever that anyone over here on our side , gives a FUCK whether you live or die? Do you really think Elon Musk can build a vehicle capable of traveling to “Mars” ? Have you ever looked that closely at the build quality of a Model 3? LOL. GTFO. What the fuck is “Mars” , and why does Bezos keep saying this place will be closed like a museum that we will idly visit every now and again (like Chernobyl? lol)
  2. In tandem with #1, we could possibly be dropping like flies on both sides of it, only the fittest of both are going to make it. From what I can make out here, they’re not really all that invested in ANY of us making it. They’re ready for that eventuality, they already decided on their “world government” and who would be on top of the scratching post, who would be important or even fucking heard , who would what own what and be aligned with whom – despite never asking a single goddamn one of us and repeatedly misusing the word “democracy” to explain how any consensus was arrived at about these decisions. These sound less far -fetched than #3:
  3. This is the one where there are actually two dimensions crashing into each other, being mediated by Qi , only in the dimensional space rather than the physical/metaphysical space. Einstein BTFO.
  4. After watching my government and society conduct itself as though the Revelation to John was a fucking INSTRUCTION MANUAL for global governance , I’m disappointed to arrive at the conclusion that Abrahamic religions are little more than Arabs at war with each other, either of them more than happy to subjugate , invade, and piss all over the will and self determination of their inferior “Christian” caste. Turn the other cheek and be meek, my ass, it’s Glock O’ Clock somewhere right now. I regard Christ as an eternal witness at the right hand of God, your own bible says repeatedly that this is where he sits at the moment. Even amongst themselves they cannot agree on whether intercession belongs in their theology. We have arrived at: John actually had a premonition about this shit or we are under the thumb of a death cult who insists on creating circumstances that fulfill their own repeatedly failed prophecies. If you think that is how God works, or that God can be manipulated or deceived like that, you’re probably one of them. Go to hell.

Whichever one it is I’ve had no reason whatsoever to think that I’m going to be around long enough to find out. Even if my health were not absolutely fucking destroyed (and this isn’t necessarily a cry for pity, I just discovered half of my symptoms are a horror house of side effects from flurosemida rather than my actual illness, we will see, hopefully the shit hasn’t done any more damage than I already had) wherever I go, from the time I was a toddler, I have been shoved in a corner, told to go away, or to just fucking give up and die. Like, you would rather die than invite me to go bowling with you, why would I think I’m getting invited on the ark! No. Just toil until your body crumbles and then die please and thank you! Just like the chat room, they abused and terrorized the ever living fuck out of me, stole it, and then got rid of me. And for what?

I don’t care if it irks the shit out of NA’ers, that I always thought their “program” and “fellowship” were bullshit. I was truthful about my experiences in that hideous , ineffective , hateful fucking cult.

I more than “earned my goddamn seat” in the room or on the website they stole from me and shoved me out of. Really, what was the point?

It certainly isn’t borne out of any fantasy that the other moderators would ever get sober or attend a meeting or work the steps they babbled about and practice ANY of those principles in ANY of their affairs whatsoever.

Let alone a fucking visitor, LOL.

Be as fucking mad as you want to if I saw you for who you were and wasn’t fucking playing along.

It is simply .. very important … to encourage someone to choose life , especially right now.

We’re more or less an endangered species at this point. I thought it might get bad , and it’s somewhere in between “just as bad as I expected” and “not quite as bad as I expected” right now.

What does it really fucking matter where I attempted to encourage others in distress? Do you think people deserve honesty about all of that garbage or do you want them to suffer for 15-20 years like I did, and then go suck on a shotgun or relapse like most of you do at 20 years ?

Want me to lie and say it got me clean?

It didn’t.

Want me to lie and say I was welcome or wanted?

I wasn’t.

Want me to lie and say I “saw it working in others?” Because I have no fucking IDEA how many times I’ve sat down in one of those rooms – pick a city , pick a stat, pick a group – and been the only goddamn one LEFT in the room anymore?

SQWAK. Polly wanna cracker. Robin_Y was talking about all you motherfuckers.

I don’t go in that fucking hellhole anymore. If anyone comes in there and mouths off to you or worse, blame yourselves for once. it’s *quite likely* based on endless observation of your interactions with one another , that this happens to you constantly because you were just as much of an ABYSS OF HUMAN EMPATHY OR COMPASSION towards them as some of you were to me for the entirety of that.

For a quarter of my life.

Newcomers can smell the hypocrisy and dishonesty on you and they run like hell. It’s a shame that I didn’t give them enough credit to assume so many of them would see it for themselves without a full page interstitial about who fucked who or threatened whom or stole what from whom, a man; a thousand dollars, whatever, I was “there to get better” and that’s more than I can fucking say for whoever was left.

I didn’t sugar coat anything. At best, I sat on my hands and bit my lip and exercised a lot more restraint… literally every single god damn day … with every single new person … a lot more than I failed to. I never said “it gets better ™.” I said over and over and over and over and over “YOU might get better.”

I don’t give a fuck if that’s not written in that book.

Neither is “spread your legs on Skype and beg them for money.”

You have a nice day now.