I think it started sometime around August 9th.

Fast forward a month or so and the first hospital claimed I had “covid,” “because of course they did.” They offered me no treatment whatsoever beyond Tylenol as my blood oxygen/spo2 crashed to the 80s and ignored me in my room. I said “fuck this” and strong armed them into writing a prescription for an oxygen tank and concentrator. I received an $88,000 mxn bill for their “expertise and treatment.”

It took me another few days in my hotel room on the oxygen concentrator– and you know, “if it was covid” it seemed like the right thing to do to isolate for a few days — before I felt like I had the strength to strap on the oxygen tank and drive home to either get a second opinion or at least go die at home.

I had lost 1/4 or so of my body weight, was pale as a ghost, and I was so weak climbing the stairs that I would drop groceries everywhere on the porch.

I went to my “usual” hospital and my hemoglobin was down to 5 or 6, they did xrays and they were like “you have a systemic fungal infection and you need to go upstairs for IV antifungals now.”

That ended up being + a few units of albumen, more IV antibiotics , which they have way overused on me at this point , and a few units of blood which makes me nervous as shit: “did I just get a bag of sputnik, AstraZeneca, Pfizer, AND Murderna? Great, I’m either going to be maxvaxxed and have super immunity or be dead in a week.”

Not too long ago I would have been like “oh. god, please don’t be a a big bag of hepatitis and CMV.” As if I ever cared what was in a bag of something I injected before.

I have some fear of ancient religious dogmas about accepting blood products that weighed heavily on me, but the older I get the more I realize that the Old Testament is nothing more than GoyimOS , rules for thee and none for me like everything else in this life, while “they’re” drinking fresh infant blood out of a frickin fondue fountain at a DNC fund raiser. /sarcasm , no I am not one of those.

I’ve been sick before but I was very anemic with a blood pressure of 85/35, I couldnt get up and get up and go to the toilet without my o2sat dropping to 90.

And still, this “supportive chatroom” of ours, course, continued to assail me with insults and complaints people like “gonnabeokay” whining that he wasn’t greeted and welcomed fast enough and “guess I’m not welcome” as I faded in and out of consciousness. It’s been suggested before that addicts are selfish and self centered, key .. for the first time in a long time I wasn’t sure if I was going home.

I was just a week short of my 1 year milestone and wondering if I would see it.

I finally lost it and said “fuck these people” and I took that horrible website and PROUDLY torched it and touched it to ground.

“kicking you when youre down” does not even begin to scratch the surface of what this cult does. this is where youre dead to me, this is where i will not provide any material support and i want my work— which you were so derisive of anyway — that you stole, taken off your damn copy of it.

Be gone, demons!

After all this, they said they were going to try a medication that’s banned in the United States , “because of course it is,” they only approve things that kill you now … to lower my heart rate and put less pressure on those valves and get some flow in the dead areas of my left ventricle and hopefully make my heart stop straining so hard to pump blood through me.

My resting heart rate dropped from 80 to 60 over 16 days.

My walking heart rate dropped from 100 to 80 over 16 days.

My cardiologist said even if we did a surgery on your valves you’re at risk of not surviving the procedure. We have to wait a few weeks and do another echo and if my LVEF is still in the neighborhood of 35-40% we’re not doing anything because it would STILL be the same as 2017 and I may? have bought a couple more years.

You’re following that it isn’t worth risking a failed repair , or an infection , or other complications if your heart “works enough” and is neither better nor worse after 5 years of monitoring, yes?

I’d made plans to re-rent my old house in Minnesota and sent a check to hold it, I got a permission letter from the EPA to enter the USA with my non conforming Mexican clown car, yet right now … I can barely run a grocery errand.

But all the neighbors say I look better and they were all like “what happened to this guy??” La Duena’s like “I don’t know” , I kind of speak Spanish and she kind of gets it but not 100%. We finally got someone bilingual involved,his big ole truck and his big ole Shrek hands and his great big barrel chest *pant pant pant* lol. La Duena and my immediate neighbors understand the situation now

They’d been helping me carry things upstairs and unload my car… someone arranged for a couple girls to help me clean the place … they offered to move me to the apartment downstairs but this is my home now, I (USUALLY) know where I am when I wake up. I don’t have a lot anymore and I do not need a lot, either.

Nobody and I mean nobody I’ve been neighbors with in the United States even cared what my fucking name was.

I like this place, I like my apartment I like my community.

It’s hot, there are earth quakes, omfg, its so fucking hot, I fucking hate it.

I like the fact that if you sold dope here, they would light your house on fire.

It’s made sobriety a lot easier, lol.

I don’t care if I have a month or a year or 100 years left on this earth, I decided to free myself from those fucking people and never make contact with them again.

But … we’re going to be real clear and real forceful that I won’t participate in the shit they do to people, I don’t require an apology in fact I hate them so much I would prefer they not contact me. They *have to* get my content off their page. I am not being dramatic, cause I think I have a good chance of pulling through this but I want every single trace of me erased from that fucking thing before I die.

And then I want them to fuck off and never contact me again.

I deserve that.

Blood pressure was 114/50 today, that’s normal for me.

The second hospital visit and all the oxygen equipment set me back almost another $250,000MXN and , well, “goodbye tangible savings” my next dividend check is in November and I am broke, stuck where I am, and fucked ’til then.

But maybe its just as well, America is in ruins and just itching for a world war. You guys are overconfident from a lifetime of being born on that side of the bombs.

High drama and over-sharing, sorry , yo.

What a cruel irony that I’ve spent 6 years managing a “support website” that has been anything but “supportive” or even kind to me , and been left to my pen. me me me, bitch bitch, whine, its all about fucking Evie, yeah, I hate addicts now.

I have seen the blunt end of some narrow minded, vicious, and cruel mother fuckers in this life but you guys .. take the cake .. I really cannot help you. Some of y’all need to be institutionalized or at least banned from the fucking internet.