It’s not an easy thing to do , to just pick up and go somewhere you dont know the language or have any friends. i was supposed to be here on “vacation” in january and two car accidents and three ICU visits later im still here and in no condition to get in that hot ass oven of a car and get very far right now. maybe when it cools down-

i had attended a couple AA meetings and i didnt understand anyone.

the neighborhood hangs out and socializes downstairs and im shy and scurry back into my place. i dont understand the men. i understand La Duena better now. im super uncomfortable just kicking it in the yard with everyone because i feel stupid or like im in a k hole, i feel like the dog understands everyone better than i do.

i dig out the TV and started watching news casts with carla gonzales (i think?) because she has a real easy to understand accent. i read, and i watch carla, sometimes the closed caption works and sometimes it doesnt.

im no infant, im just an emotionally stunted alcoholic here but I think kids end up latching on to one parent or the other to form their first words or … whatever , and *ahem* I watch Carla, going daaaaaaaamn if I was a straight man she’s a 20/10.

I like her voice , I like how clear it is.

and yeah she’s an RT reporter. RUSSIA, RUSSIA, RUSSIA, REEEEEE deal with it.

i had my first (mostly) fluent conversation with la duena, she pulled up a chair and we talked for a good hour or so. my spanish is getting to be as fast as my english. ”tranquilo! tranquilo!” she yelled.

maybe im just excited to have a conversation where the dam burst and we understood each other. i know shes funny and cracks jokes that go over my head. she handed me the phone to talk to her husband the other day, just kind of mischevious , and i talked to him about the work hes doing, hes building pools in america and i asked him in spanish ”wheres my pool?”

she laughed her ass off at that.

im in this place in this life where everyone wrote me off for seeing things differently and tried to ice me out , ostracize me, or make things uncomfortable for me , and i just said ”fuck you” and dialed in my own destination, because this is neither easier nor harder than what you left me with but its certainly been interesting