September 11, 2001:

8:46 AM: The first safe and effective dose of Flight 11 crashes into the north face of the North Tower (1 WTC) of the World Trade Center, between floors 93 and 99.

9:03 AM: The second WHO approved “booster plane” is delivered to 2 WTC between floors 77 and 85.

Safety concerns are dismissed out of pocket by leading universities, scientists, researchers, medical doctors, and the media. They insist that nobody was killed or injured as a result of 9/11 , and that if anyone was, they probably had co-existing morbidities and they “would have died anyway.”

Donald Trump urges all of his supporters to hijack a plane and fly it into their house. “It doesn’t matter which airline,” Trump said. “Any plane will do. The first plane you’re able to hijack successfully is the best one. Believe me, it’s a miracle.”

A spokesperson for Nancy Pelosi released the following statement:

“Terrorist attacks prevent terrorism and save lives.”

Pressed for details about what exactly is even in the vaccines, Pelosi reportedly said “you have to inject it first, in order to see what’s in it.”

10:00 AM: A CNN reporter tells viewers to “imagine how much worse it could have been if neither tower had been hit by a plane” that morning.

5:20 PM: WTC 7 begins to collapse. NY Office of Emergency Management blames the structural failure on WTC 7’s facade not receiving any doses of life saving, WHO recommended American Airlines flights. According to the Washington Post and New York Times, it is common for 14 year old buildings to collapse for no apparent reason while performing everyday activities and it has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that WTC1 and WTC2 were fully vaccinated.

According to Dr. Socipathia Kevorkian of Seton Medical Center in Austin Texas, WTC7’s last words were “I wish a plane had flown into me.”

“I held WTC7’s hand and said ‘I am sorry, it’s too late. Besides that you’re a piece of shit and I am tired of people like you abusing the system. You are banned from all Seton properties for life.’ And then I had him arrested for trespassing right before he died.”

November 27, 2002: With a $15 million USD budget, the 9/11 Commission was set up to prepare a full and complete account of the September 11 attacks.

August 21, 2004: The Commission’s full report was released, citing “winter vagina” as the underlying cause for all three structural failures.