I’ve been hearing people say I had a “troubled past” and a chaotic life , long before I even got into my position on the starting line or had the faintest fucking clue about what problems, stressors and setbacks even were.

I’ve had my entire life to process and react to any of that.

To decide whether to forgive or hold on.

To figure out whether I would “try again,” “try anyway,” or give up or not.

I’ve had my share of trials and tribulations and then some.

I was lucky enough to be born on this side of the bombs.

And some people have real problems.

I always said these queens who talk shit about me are going to lose their fucking minds the first time it ever rains in their privileged, shinypretty, stupid fucking lives. 

Wait for it, you’ll go through a divorce or a foreclosure or get your heart put in a blender someday. Let’s see how you do.

It’s been a fucked up year or two or five for everyone now.

Do we still have a few holdouts taking 100 beach selfies for Instagram and pretending they’re fierce and this is fine?

Am I just peering down my nose at everyone from a gutter?

Maybe this is the final character test.

How are you going to handle your stresses and setbacks, your losses, and your fear?

Some of the stuff we’re dealing with was planned 100 years ago. In that time, has anyone decided to do anything about it, or are we just lost?

Are you going to help or encourage anyone in these timers?

Or will hurt people, just always hurt people?

I think they counted on us bickering or murdering or boog’ing or whatever. For all our problems, I guess we are more civilized than some people were hoping for after all.

Life is partly, what happens to you.

And partly, how you react to it.

Do you dust yourself off? 

Do you try to do the very best you’re capable of anyway?

I made a comment to Scott a little bit ago, that I know everything is okay when I don’t “have to” say a word or do anything. Things are working, people are engaged, nobody’s fighting, and that’s when I know we’re hitting our notes.

I guess there are a lot of people who want to live in a world without a god.

But assuming there is one, I would imagine he or she or it is infinitely more patient than I am.

Or maybe what we think of as god, is a prisoner , an unwilling bridge between two worlds , taking everyone and everything in while his jailers pitch him as omnipotent and fearsome, blond haired, blue eyed, white skinned, and angry.

Perhaps they’re a force that is weeping, unable to close the door, unable to turn off the TV, unable to tune out the collective baggage of the collective consciousness.

What do you make of people when they’re all connected and they have all this information at their fingertips, and then they still make the choices they do?

Do they try to force its hand?

Is the book of Revelations a prophecy or a pattern, have we all been here before already? 

I’ll give you two takeaways for what is said of , when Jesus is finally pissed enough to say “Gabriel, blow the trumpets.”

Forget about the lovey shit, Jesus said he hates the fucking Nicolatians like I hate Stan and Janis. 

Who are the Nicolatians? The tyrants who will fight to their dying gasp to enslave , control, and destroy you. Who have all the fucking power and money and control anyone could ever want in the word, and they want even more because no amount of any of these things is ever enough.

Brutal, mendacious, beady eyed fucking tyrants who would rather exterminate the entire planet than lose their grip on it.

That’s the shit that gets Jesus foaming at the fucking mouth.

2) Who does Jesus say he loves?

The overcomers.

Even in spite of the other things he mildly rebukes them for.

Do the meek ultimately inherit the earth?

Do the voices of yore who sang , we shall overcome ..

In fact, overcome?

Gil Scott Heron said that men die, but not what they stood for.

If I was correct when I said that evil people do evil things, and evil people will do nothing about it –

If we live in an increasingly divided , willfully ignorant, violent, selfish, and frightening society …

And y’all are just going to clap like fucking seals …

There ain’t much left for me here even if I do survive.

I’m not getting into the infighting and scapegoating, the racial, ethnic, political, and religious turmoil.

I’m just going to venture a guess that , everything wrong with the world right now, is probably the fucking Nicolatians … AGAIN.

The Nicolatians are basically the Stans and the Janises of the god damn fucking galaxy. And that would explain why Jesus hated them so fucking much.

Who didn’t hate the Nicolatians, anyway?

They were awful, forever and always.